Deacons 100wc

January 5th, 2015 | Posted by deacondrybrook14 in 100 Word

One sunny day a boy was on the laptop and he was using the mouse as a
phone.His mum kept saying its not a phone Kia and then he was using the screen as a tablet.Then his dad came home and shouted its tea time Kia. He was upset and as he started they got burnt on the food and he was sad because his parents were in a coma for two weeks at most but all he was
doing was watching tv and ringing the pizza delivery guy.When his mum and dad were back they were as mad as anything because

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3 Responses

  • Miss R (Team 100WC) says:

    Hi, Deacon,
    Thank you for entering this week’s 100wc. A good first story for this year, but very sad about the parents.
    I really like how you have left the ending like a bit of a cliff hanger and how you have used various sentence starters in your work.
    Next time think about using speech marks for when a character says something, for example: …and shouted “its tea time Kia”.
    Well done and keep writing!

  • Ms. Davis (Team 100WC) says:

    Hi Deacon,

    Please forgive me, but I do not see the “as he started they” part of the post. If I have overlooked it, I apologize.

    Ms. Davis (Team 100WC)

  • Alfie says:

    Great post. Be careful with your basic punctuation. Try and add some more adjectives. Great job.

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